


Consequences Of Anger

by WhimsyNeptune



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), SwanQueen - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Anger Management, Angst, Canon Divergence, F/F, Heavy Angst, Regret, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-07 17:17:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15223991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhimsyNeptune/pseuds/WhimsyNeptune
Summary: “Are you awake?” Emma whispered out.Regina smiled and laughed silently. “Yes, Darling… I’m awake.”“We’re pretending to be friends, right?”Regina nodded, curiosity filling her to the rim. “Yes, we certainly are,” Regina replied.Emma inhaled deeply. “Why now?” She asked, hurt palpable in her voice.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LesbianForJmo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbianForJmo/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw this prompt in a Facebook group called SwanQueen Fanfiction, and shortly after was messaged and asked if I could take a stab at writing it, I did, and this is the product of that! I hope you'll enjoy it, and there are more chapters to come :)

It had been an exhausting, overwhelming, and all-out infuriating day.

For starters, her alarm didn’t go off, so she had been late to the town hall meeting.  
Then she dropped her phone in the sink while washing her hands in the bathroom... ruining it.  
A few hours later Snow had a ludicrous idea to build a five-hundred thousand dollar daycare center right down the street from the elementary school, but when Regina had stated that she didn’t think that’d be a good investment idea for the town, the board members disagreed and outvoted her.  
Then, finally, the worst of it all happened: she’d gotten into an argument with Henry via text message because he had informed her he once again wouldn’t be returning home this week…. The fifth cancellation within three months and the Mayor just wanted to see her baby boy.

She had been having quite a few days like this in the past few months, and she had no clue as to why they were happening, but she was indubitably fed up with it all.

So, yes, Regina was in a horrid mood… In fact, she was more infuriated than she had ever been in her life in Storybrooke; and coming home to her overly loving fiancée was the opposite of what she needed.

What she needed, was a Valium and sleep, what she was offered, however, was a welcome home kiss, an already prepared meal, and Emma blabbering on and on about how happy she was that they were finally alone together because her day had been exhausting.

Within moments, Regina had already had enough, and she slammed her hand down on the kitchen counter, startling Emma. “Would you just shut the hell up for ten minutes?!” She yelled.

Emma’s smile fell automatically, and Regina couldn’t find it in herself to care. She wanted to, but she didn’t. “I-… I asked you if you were okay, and you said you were fine. I asked you if you wanted to hear about what happened at the Station, you said sure… If either of those were false statements, you could have just been honest, and we wouldn’t be talking about it right now.” Emma said, her tone lined with hurt.

Regina shook her head. “I don’t give a damn about your day. I’m tired, my feet hurt, and I’m hungry.”

The corners of Emma’s lips slightly curved downwards. “Well, you can sit down and eat, and afterward we can sit on the couch, and I’ll massage your feet while we watch TV.” She said, her tone cautious; as if she wasn’t sure that’s what Regina wanted and was terrified that she'd said the wrong thing.

“Right, because I want you to manhandle my feet while I watch your petulant shows.” Regina scoffed, she couldn’t help it, she’d been bottling up her anger all day, and it felt good to finally let it out.

“I… okay, well I can start you a bath? I’m sure the hot water would feel nice on your feet, right?” Emma was trying her hardest to hold back her tears. This wasn’t like Regina, she was usually happy to see Emma, but lately, Regina had been coming home angry. Emma had no idea what she’d been doing to cause her fiancée to be so mad at her all the time, she’d tried and tried to get Regina to open up about what was going on, but it seemed as though Regina was wholly intent on shutting her out as of late. All Emma wanted was for Regina to be happy, and whatever it took to make her smile again, she would do without question… If she would just tell her what that was.

Regina could tell what Emma was doing and knowing that Emma felt that Regina’s anger was her fault, that the Sheriff felt like she had to fix whatever was going on, only further angered Regina… Made the cause of her anger switch from the events of the day, to herself because she knew that she had made Emma self-conscious; and it only made things worse. “I want you to leave me the hell alone and let me eat in peace! The last thing I need right now is you badgering me. You do realize that your constant attempts to find ways to please me have the opposite effect, don’t you? All you do is get on my nerves when you’re like this.”

Emma had tears in her eyes. “Well maybe if you would just TELL ME what you want instead of blowing up at me and saying that you’re ‘okay’ all the time when you’re clearly _NOT_ I wouldn’t have to act like this! You never open up to me anymore, you never tell me about your day, you never tell me how you feel no matter how many times I beg you just to give me even a little crumb of a detail about your day, about how you're doing, about what you want!  
 I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells around you! I ask you if you want to go to Seattle to visit Henry and the next thing I know I’m getting bitched at because I’m being ‘annoying’ or 'clingy'! It’s like you don’t even want me around anymore!”

Regina scoffed at the mere thought. She couldn't live without Emma, and anyone who thought otherwise was an utter fool. “Oh, _please_! If I didn’t want you around anymore, I’d have already asked for my ring back.”

Emma clenched her jaw, her heart burning with grief and anger from the way Regina was acting. “Maybe you should!”

The vitriol in her tone, the seriousness of her voice, and the meaning behind those words, unsettled Regina in a way she hadn’t felt in years. The fact that Emma seemed to believe that statement blinded Regina with uncontrollable rage that she hadn’t felt since her days as the Evil Queen, and without thinking she cocked her arm and hauled her fist straight at Emma’s face.

She pulled her arm back, prepared to throw it at Emma once more when the realization of what she'd just done hit her like a semi, and she dropped her arm to her side. Her heart shattered, her stomach fell to the floor, and her eyes widened in horror as she looked at the woman she loved and saw her busted lip.

A broken sob fell from her lips. “ _Emma_.” She choked out. “Oh, fuck… Emma, I-.” She was cut off by the ring on she proposed with slipping off Emma’s finger and being thrown at her feet.

“Save it,” Emma said coldly. “I’m not doing this again. I did it with Neal, I did it with Hook, I did it in almost every foster family I lived with growing up, but I’m _not doing this_ with you too. You were the one who made me realized that I deserved more than this. More than being yelled at constantly. Deserved more than being shut out, neglected, and hit. We were so happy three months ago Regina, but recently you’ve turned into someone I don’t even recognize anymore, it's like I'm living with a stranger!  
 I was going to persevere through this with you, and I was willing to put up with the abuse because I love you, and this isn't like you at all. I was going to fight for you, for us, but this is crossing a line that is unforgivable.” She paused as she pointed to her bloody lip. “You have turned into Hook two point o, and I’m not going back to that. I’ve tried to make you happy, tried to talk to you, tried to fix whatever happened to make you so angry, and you refused. We're done, Regina. This relationship has turned into a toxic one just like all the rest of mine. Maybe it's just my doom to be single, maybe I'm unloveable, but I still don't deserve this, and I'm not taking it anymore.”

“No! Emma, _please_!” She begged. She didn’t want to lose Emma, she’d finally found her true love, be it fated or not, and she did not want to let her go. She had survived losing Graham, survived losing Robin, hell she even survived losing Daniel, but losing Emma? She might as well go and pick out her tombstone. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what got into me, but I swear to god it will never happen again!”

Emma had tears spilling down her face as she looked at Regina Remorsefully. “That’s what they all said too.” She cried before she disappeared in a puff of white smoke.

Regina collapsed against the counter, her heart aching, her body racking with gut-churning sobs, and her eyes flooding with remorseful tears.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_


	2. Chapter 2

Three days after the breakup, Regina stood on the porch of Emma’s old house… The one she’d shared with the one-handed pirate when they were married.

She inhaled deeply, releasing it slowly to try to calm her nerves before she rang the doorbell, hoping beyond hope that there was a possibility to fix things between herself and Emma. When the door opened to reveal Emma in a flannel shirt and bootcut jeans, Regina smiled hesitantly while her heart did backflips in her chest.

“What are you doing here, Regina?” Emma asked, her lip still swollen from Regina’s hit.

“Trying to apologize… If you’ll let me.” The mayor admitted.

Emma shrugged. “Apologies can’t fix this.”

Regina gulped and tried to congregate the right words to say that wouldn’t make the situation worse than it already was. She couldn’t do this without Emma. She needed her like she needed air and the thought of never being able to touch her again destroyed her. “Emma, I-I don’t know what happened that night. I was overly stressed, and angry, and I took it out on you. I’m ashamed of what I did, and I hate that I hurt you.” She walked up to Emma cautiously and slowly lifted her hand to her cheek, but when Emma flinched at the sight of her hand, she pulled it back as if she’d just touched a hotplate. “ _Emma_ ,” She croaked out tearfully. “I never meant for this to happen. I swear to you that I didn’t want to hurt you. You have to know that.”

Knowing that Emma was terrified of being touched by her killed Regina; she wanted to fix it all, to repent for what she’d done and try her hardest to win back Emma’s love, but from the looks of it; earning back Emma’s trust was going to be much harder than the Queen had anticipated.

“Regina, don’t you get it?” Emma asked exasperatedly. “I’ve heard it all before. _Hundreds_ of times. ‘I never meant to hit you, but I was just so mad!’ ‘I love you, but you have to stop testing me’ ‘I’m sorry, Em I promise I’ll be better for you.’ ‘I didn’t want to do it, but you were right there.’ ‘Please just give me one more chance to show you that I’ve changed.’ I’ve heard it all before. I’ve seen it all before. I’ve _felt_ it all before, and I’m not going back to it. I love you, Regina. I probably always will, but I’m not going back to that. I lived my entire childhood afraid of upsetting the people that were supposed to love me and getting hurt; I’m not doing it again… Especially not after I realized what real happiness is like. You showed me true happiness before, Regina… and I will always be grateful for it, because now I know I deserve more, that I don’t have to settle for being someone’s punching bag, and I won’t.”

“I’m not them, Emma! I’m not Hook, I’m not Neal, and I’m _not_ your foster parents! I’m Regina Mills. The woman who can’t imagine life without you in it!”

Emma sighed, a tear glistening her cheek. “You’re not them, but you’ve been acting exactly the same way that they did.” She asserted, and Regina’s heart shattered. Had she really been treating Emma the way Killian had?

“Oh, Emma… I’m so sorry; please give me another chance to prove to you that I’m not like them.”  As soon as the words escaped her mouth, though… She realized that Emma was right… She was acting just like them, so she had to be better, she had to be proactive; prove that she was sincere. That she would never hurt Emma on purpose ever again. “You don’t have to take me back,” Regina said shakily... because those words felt like razor blades in her throat. “You don’t have to give me a second chance, but please don’t leave my life, Emma. Let me prove to you that I want to change. That I want to make you happy again, and if I am able to show you that without a shadow of a doubt, you can decide whether you want me back or not.”

Emma chewed on her bottom lip for a second before sighing. “Fine… But I’m still going to need space for a while, and I’m not going to wait around for you anymore. I waited three months for you to come back to yourself, and all I got in return is a busted lip… If I find someone I’m interested in, and they’re interested too, I’m going to pursue it.”

Regina’s stomach churned at the mere thought of someone else touching Emma. The image infuriated her. “But… we _just_ broke up!” She growled.

Emma shook her head. “We just _officially_ broke up, but we’ve been over since the moment you decided I was your emotional punching bag and not your fiancée anymore.”

Regina hated that the odds were seemingly stacked against her, but she refused to give up on Emma. She bit down her anger and sadness, let out a shaky breath, then spoke through gritted teeth. “I can’t decide what you do, but I would like it if you would give me a chance to prove myself before you started looking for someone else to fall in love with.”

Emma smiled sadly. “We will see what happens, Gina. Right now, though, I’m heading to the station. I’ll see you around.” She said as she closed the door behind her and headed for her slug bug.

Regina watched her pull out of her drive way and head down the street, her heart was aching, her soul was craving for Emma, and all she wanted was to turn back time… But time travel wasn’t possible, so the next best thing was hoping that time truly did heal all wounds and that with a lot of effort and love, they could mend this; but she was terrified that Emma would find someone before they could.

**XXX**

Regina figured that the first step to fixing this would have to be fixing herself, and the only way to fix herself was to find out how to deal with her anger… The only one who could help her do that was the cricket himself; Archie.

That’s precisely where she was, too. Sitting in Archie’s office, allowing him to once again, guide her through the process of becoming the person she wanted to be.

“So, what you are telling me, is that you aren’t sure why you took your rage out on Emma?” He asked casually.

Regina gritted her teeth and nodded. “Yes. That’s what I’m saying.”

He hummed and wrote something in his notes. “Every time you get upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth wasting your time being angry? Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear, or frustration. So, I ask you… what is hurting you, Regina? What is hurting you so badly that you’d risk losing Emma over?”

Regina bit her lip. “I DIDN’T THINK I WAS RISKING LOSING HER!” She yelled. “I didn’t know I was hurting her. I thought… I thought we were okay.”

“No you didn’t, Regina. You knew she was unhappy. You said yourself you knew she was trying to find a way to make you happy. You knew you were being cruel, so you can’t honestly believe that you thought your relationship wasn’t suffering.”

Regina huffed and folded her arms defensively. She hated therapy because she hated being vulnerable, especially to p[people that weren’t Emma. “I just didn’t think that she’d leave.”

Archie smiled. “There’s some progress! Now, why didn’t you think that she’d leave?”

Regina averted her eyes. “Because she never leaves relationships… She has to be forced away from them.”

Archie raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think that the way you were cheating her was forcing her away?”

Realization hit Regina like a ton of bricks. The main reason Emma left was that Regina punched her; that was the final nail in the coffin, but the biggest reason Emma was keeping them broke wasn’t the hit; it was that she felt like Regina had been forcing her away all along. “How do I fix this?”

“Well, for starters… we need to hone in on _why_ you are so angry. Has anything been happening that is particularly hard for you to adjust to?”

Regina frowned. “Henry moved away six months ago.”

Archie nodded. “Yes, he did. I remember the going away party. But you haven’t been acting out for six months, only three.”

Regina’s lips pursed. “He’s canceled every visit he’s planned for the past three months.”

Archie smiled. “Ah! Let’s start there.”

 

**XXX**

Regina walked into Granny’s soon after her therapy session was over, and when she saw Granny standing behind the counter, her stomach churned as she saw the pitying expression on her face… Emma told someone about their break up… Which meant that by now the entire town knew… indicating that they were officially, _genuinely_ , through.

“I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why it happened, but I do know that you and Emma are just as in love as Snow and David. You will find your way back to each other again.” Granny said as she handed Regina her usual kale salad and coffee. “I just know it.”

Regina smiled sadly. “If you knew what happened, you wouldn’t want her anywhere near me.”

Granny shrugged. “Did you hurt her?” She asked with a chuckle, apparently not believing that Regina was capable of hurting the Sheriff.

Regina averted her eyes. “Have a nice day, Eugenia” She whispered.

Granny gently grabbed Regina by her bicep, pausing her movements. “If you give up now, in a few months someone is going to tell you that Emma is seeing someone new, and that she’s happy with them… and your entire world will fall apart at that moment because then you’ll know for sure that it’s really over for you two.   
So you have to work hard to get her back, buy her flowers, woo her, because I can tell just by the way you look at her that, that woman is your life… So prove it to her, or you’re going to lose her for good.”

Regina just swallowed thickly and made a curt nod before continuing towards the door… But just as she did, she was face to face with Emma, and the entire Diner went silent. “Hi.” The mayor said nervously.

“Hey.” Emma replied with a fake smile. She gestured to Regina’s container. “Kale salad?”

Regina smiled, and nodded her head. “Every day.”

Emma gave her another fake smile. “Well, um… Enjoy.” She responded before making her way to the bar to pick up her food.

Regina watched her for a few more moments; longing to walk over to the blonde and kiss her soundly on the lips… But she knew there would have to be quite a bit of work to do on herself before she could do that.

**XXX**

That afternoon, Emma was sitting at her desk, playing trashcan basketball when she heard the station doors open. When she looked up, she saw her ex-fiancée standing in the doorway. “Regina?”

The mayor nodded. “I fucked up in ways I swore to myself I’d never do again; I know that I don’t deserve you because of it, but I need you to hear what I have to say before I go.”

Emma furrowed her brow, her heart beating rapidly in her chest; being around Regina hurt her in a way she thought was impossible. “Okay.” She croaked.

Regina nodded. “I wasn’t looking for anything when you found me. I was just trying to cling to Henry and keep him loving me; but then I looked at you one day, when the entire town thought that I had killed Archie, and you were the only one to stand up for me, and I questioned everything.   
Was Henry really all I needed?  
Was I ready for _love_?  
Was I even capable of giving it?  
I don’t think anyone is ever _ready_ for love… Especially not me, but you made me feel alive again, after decades of feeling soulless, so you were worth the risk… You still are. You have my heart, Emma and you always will. I’m never going to stop loving you. I’ll never stop wanting you. I will continue to try to win you back until the moment you find happiness with someone; whether it’s me or someone new. I just want you to be happy, and although it would destroy me if it weren’t with me; your happiness is all I care about.”

 

Emma was so conflicted; she wanted to believe Regina, she wanted to take her back; but she knew that if she did it would immediately go straight back to the way it had been for the past three months; she’d done it all before, and she couldn't do it again; esp[ecially not with Regina. “Regina, please. I need space.”

 

Regina nodded, resigning herself to an Emma-less life for a while; feeling like her world was imploding in on itself. “I know I fucked up. I know I hurt you, but I’m going to fix myself. I’m going to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’m never going to treat you like that again, and that I’ll _never_ hurt you _ever_ again.”

Emma let out a breath; her heart was aching… Being close to Regina was painful right now, and talking about this made everything worse. “You think I _wanted_ this? I didn’t, Regina. I love you. I love you so much I can’t breathe sometimes, and that’s why I let you treat me the way that you did. I don’t know what you got out of treating me like that. I don’t understand why you started doing it in the first place, but I hope you do find yourself again, Regina.. because if you ever fall in love again I don’t want them going through that too. I waited for you to come back to yourself. I gave you chance, after chance. I gave you everything I could think of, I did anything that you could possibly want me to do, and you took it all for granted. I tried to hang on, because I thought you were worth it; I thought you were _different_ and when I finally, _FINALLY_ had enough and stopped taking it; you hit me.   
But, the thing is, even after everything, I’m still in love with you. I still love you every second of every day, and I do miss you. I miss making you smile, because I haven’t been able to in months; I miss hearing you randomly tell me that you love me; because I feel like the only reason you’re saying it now is that I’m gone. I miss feeling close to you, and just staring into each other’s eyes. I miss making love. I miss giggling at three in the morning because we can’t keep our hands off each other.  
I’ll always love you, Regina, even if one day I do fall for someone new, but we turned toxic… _You_ turned toxic, and I’m not sure I can ever go back to you after that.”

It hurt Emma to say, but it hurt Regina ten times as much to hear it… But she wasn’t going to give up.

There were a lot of things Regina needed to work on herself, but as soon as she was done, she fully intended to fight to get Emma back; but not until she was the woman that Emma had first fallen in love with again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

 

Regina had sent Emma four texts a day for a bit over two weeks since she and Emma had run into each other at Granny's diner. All of Regina's text messages had gone unanswered until today. She was ecstatic when her phone lit up with Emma's name, and couldn't wait to open up the message, but when she finally did, it wasn’t at all what she had wanted to read.

**Regina:** _Darling, I’d like to see you today, if that’s alright._

**Emma:** _Not ready yet, Regina._

Regina frowned at the text and stepped into Archie’s office, prepared to get advised once more. As soon as she sat across from him at his desk, he got right down to business.

“How have things been going with Emma? Has she spoken to you yet?” He inquired.

“She sent me a four word text shooting down my request to see each other,” Regina said petulantly.

Archie smiled. “Ah! Well, that’s an improvement, Regina. At least she found it in her to give you a response this time.”

“She’s never going to take me back, Archie. I’ve fucked up too badly this time. She hates me.”

Archie shook his head. “There are two versions of ‘If it’s meant to be,’ Regina, the first is, ‘if it’s meant to be, it _will_ happen, but not without you fighting hard for it.’ Sometimes things take an extraordinary amount of heart, soul, and effort, but those are usually the things that are worth it… The other one, we all know. ‘If it’s meant to be, let them go, and you will find your way back to each other again’… That one is most common, but the least functional, because sometimes, even if it’s meant to be, it doesn’t end up being… So, my question to you, Regina, is what way would you rather go about doing this?”

Regina scoffed. “I’m doing everything I can! She wants space, so I’m giving it to her, but I haven’t let her go, and I never will.”

Archie bit his upper lip and teepee’d his fingers. “Do you think, that perhaps, you’re smothering her?”

“I’ve been giving her the space she’s asked for! How could I be smothering her?!” She yelled, frustrated that she hasn’t made any progress at winning Emma’s heart back. “She wants nothing to do with me. She refuses to see me.”

The man visibly pondered on something for a moment before he spoke again. “Have you thought about what she said? That she thinks you’re just like her exes and her old foster families?”

Regina furrowed her brows. “Yes, but I’m not like them, I just… I had a lapse in judgment; I never meant to hurt her.”

Archie nodded. “Yes, but that’s how many domestic abusers think, I’m not saying that you _are_ a domestic abuser, I’m saying that you might have to prove to Emma that you _aren’t_ like her exes. What is something that Killian would never have done?”

“Uh… he wouldn’t have done anything but get hammered off his ass. Then he’d blow up Emma’s phone trying to get her to meet him so that he could get Emma to somehow apologize to him for _his_ abusiveness… Once he even said he’d get counseling, but nothing ever came of that either.”

Archie nodded. “He would… give her space?” He asked intently. “And text and call her repetitively until he got a response?” He paused, making a point to make eye contact with the mayor in front of him. “The way that you are doing right now?”

Regina frowned. “She thinks I’m trying to trick her into apologizing.”

“That may be the case.” He admitted. “I remember how Killian would seem to apologize, but then turn everything around on her… He did in numerous times, and he did act quite a lot like you are doing now. I can’t tell you what to do, Regina… but if I were in your shoes, I’d do something extravagant to prove to Emma that you aren’t going to repeat your previous actions. Make an effort; if you aren’t willing to let her go, then you have to fight for her with all you have. But Regina, if that doesn’t work, I do suggest letting her go for now. If not, it could make things worse.”

Regina shook her head, refusing to even acknowledge the idea of letting Emma go. “Thank you, Archie… but you’re insane if you think I could ever let her go.”

 

**XXX**

She was thankful that she still knew where Emma’s spare key was as she unlocked the back door and made her way to the kitchen… If Emma were going to be stubborn, Regina would be stubborn too. She wasn’t going to give up without a fight.

She knew that the Sheriff had another hour or so of work before she got home, so she intended to use that half hour to turn the dining room into the most romantic restaurant Emma had ever seen and then prepare Emma her favorite meal; Lasagna.

There was no way she was going to sit back and watch Emma fall out of love with her… Not when she knew that it was her own fault.

**XXX**

Emma was exhausted. She’d had to chase one of the Dwarves through the mines for almost an hour because he thought that drinking and driving, and the eluding the police was an acceptable thing to do. So, when she opened the door to her house, and smelled Lasagna, she smiled… a nice hot meal would be absolutely fantastic.

She rounded the corner to her kitchen but frowned when she saw her ex-fiancée standing at the stove instead of her mother like she’d expected. Her stomach dropped to the floor, and her heart filled with fear and dread at the sight of the brunette in her kitchen.  “Regina? What the hell are you doing in here?” She asked irritably.

Regina turned around, visibly tense. “I’m making you dinner.” She announced, her voice slightly trembling.

“I told you I’m not ready to see you, so you ignore my wishes and break into my house?!” The blonde asked incredulously.

Regina frowned, she hadn’t realized that that was what she was doing until Emma had said it aloud… it _did_ seem like rather abhorrent behavior. “Emma, I just want t-,”

“Yeah, it’s always about what you want; isn’t it Regina? Just forget all about me for three months, walk all over me, treat me like shit, ignore my existence unless you were mad enough that you needed to take it out on someone, and then hit me when I try to care for you…. But t’s about what you want, right? Get out of my house, Regina. I’m sick of you being so selfish. I’m sick of my needs being pushed aside for your benefit, and I’m sick of never meaning shit to anyone but Henry.”

Regina had tears in her eyes as she put the cooked to perfection lasagna on the counter. She took off her apron, walked over to Emma, and slowly rose her hand, only for Emma to minutely flinch at it, and that was all Regina needed to realize that the damage she’d caused Emma was far worse than she had imagined. “Tell me what I need to do, Emma. Because I can’t lose you, but I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m never going to hit you again.”

Emma stepped back from Regina. “Respect it when I say that I need space.”

Regina shook her head. “Anything but that, Emma… please. I-I don’t want to lose you.”

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to turn into a monster for three months and then hit me,” Emma stated coolly. “Now, leave my house before I arrest you for breaking and entry.”

Regina’s heart was aching, but so was Emma’s… But Regina couldn’t stay if Emma didn’t want her to, and Emma couldn’t have Regina stay or else she would get hurt all over again.

 She didn’t want to get hit again; she didn’t want to be yelled at again, she didn’t want to fight once more. She just wanted to get drunk and go to sleep. She knew this game well; Neal did it all the time. They’d fight, Emma would leave, but Neal wouldn’t take no for an answer… Just like Hook… and now, just like Regina.

She looked at Regina’s shaking hands as she untied her apron, and Emma’s mind flashed back to the night one of those hands had busted her lip open. Her heart shattered all over again as she remembered the metallic taste of her blood, and the pain of Regina’s fist colliding with her face. “Leave.” She choked out. “Leave and don’t come back.”

Regina let out a sob. “Emma, _please_.”

Emma shook her head. “Go.” She croaked. “Just… Just _go_.” She sobbed out the last syllable, and although Regina longed to console her, she knew that she couldn’t. She was the one that caused all of this; she was the reason Emma was crying, she was the reason that Emma was scared even to be touched by her… It was all. Her. Fault.

So, she left.

She left, went home, and drank herself to sleep because that was the only thing that even remotely helped clear her mind.

**XXX**

The next morning, Regina went to the sheriff station, and knocked on Emma’s office door, when it opened, she saw an unamused Emma, but didn’t let her speak… AS much as this was going to kill Regina, she knew that she had to say this.

“Emma, I hurt you. I hurt you in a way that I promised you I wouldn’t. I took you for granted, like a fool. I knew that I was hurting you, but it was never because I don’t love you because I do. I do love you, and I hate myself for the way I treated you, I hate myself for neglecting you, and most of all, I hate myself for letting myself get so angry that I hit you. I never wanted to hurt you, in any way, shape, or form… but I did, and I have to face up to that fact before I lose you permanently, so this is the last you will hear from me until you want to. From this point forward, I’m going to give you all the space you want. I realize now that you don’t want to be with me anymore, and I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want to be with me either.  
Archie made a point yesterday in my therapy session that I didn’t want to accept. I thought he was an idiot for even suggesting it, but I see now that he was right… I have to let go of you, because that is the only way to make you happy. Even though it means I have to be sad for the rest of my life, I have to let you go. I have to let you decide who, and what you want… Just know that I am going to love you until the day that time stops.”

She saw that Emma was about to speak, but she couldn’t stay and listen to what she had to say, or she was going to start sobbing, so she teleported herself to her vault, and locked it tight so that no one could enter and find her sitting there crying her eyes out…

In the past three weeks, she’d done three things she swore to herself she’d never do… Hurt Emma, Lose Emma, and let Emma Go.

She hated herself. She hated everything about this situation. And she hated Archie Hopper for being right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

A month had gone by since she’d agreed to let Emma go, and things were settling down. Snow and David refused to speak to her unless it involved their work, which Regina didn’t blame them for; if someone had hit Henry she’d kill them, so she was lucky the Charmings were just ignoring her.

They weren’t even rude about it either; which Regina was thankful for because she wasn’t sure she would be strong enough emotionally to handle them openly hating her. They just went about there day as if she didn’t exist and when they were forced to talk business they were civil about it… which in Regina’s honest opinion, she wasn’t worthy of, and it only added to her guilt.

To Regina’s (appreciative) surprise, Emma had told her parents, Ruby, and Granny what had happened, but hadn’t told anyone else about what Regina had done. She had made sure to order her parents to keep their mouths shut, for which Regina was utterly grateful. She was barely able to survive each day knowing that Emma hated her, so she knew that she couldn’t handle it if everyone that she knew hated her all over again, especially not her son.

Recently, however, Regina had noticed that Henry was now blatantly ignoring her. Which terrified her. Someone _must_ have told him what she had done to Emma; because nothing else would explain why he would be ignoring her the way that he had been. Thinking that he might know what she did, broke her heart because there was no doubt in her mind that he would never forgive her for hitting Emma the way that she had.

So that was why she was in her office, crying over her cellphone after just getting Henry’s voicemail for the fifth day in a row. She was heartbroken over the loss of her fiancée and now the apparent loss of her baby boy.

It wasn’t like him to go so long without calling, and now it seemed as if the only thing he did was ignore her calls. She was just about to put her phone away when it rang.

The caller was someone she really wasn’t in the mood to talk to, but as it were, not many people that she wanted to talk to, would even consider speaking to her. So, reluctantly, she answered the phone.

“Hello?” She greeted.

“Regina! I’m shocked you answered, but I’m glad that you did. I have something to tell you that I think you’d want to know.” Maleficent responded.

Regina sighed and rolled her eyes. “Oh?” She asked annoyedly. “And what might that be?”

“I just saw Emma.”

Regina sat up straight. “Is she okay? Is she hurt?” She inquired, her heart racing with concern.

Maleficent chuckled. “She seemed more than okay. She is actually at Granny’s diner right now.”

Regina smiled and let out a relieved sigh. “That’s good to hear, but why exactly would you think that I needed to know that? We’re broken up.”

The dragon guffawed. “Oh, _please_ Reggie. The relationship may be over for her, but you’re still walking around like a kicked puppy after almost two months… I think you’d like to know that she’s with someone. A woman. A beautiful, _blonde_ woman… and they’re being a bit more than just _friendly_ right now. I suggest you interrupt before she falls for her.”

Regina was overcome with an overwhelming sensation of guilt, jealousy, and envy. She knew that she told Emma she would let her go, and she knew that there was a chance that Emma might start dating, but the truth was, she wasn’t ready to see Emma love someone else. She wasn’t even prepared to see her out on casual dates with someone else.

She wasn’t ready to _let go_ of Emma.

She would _never_ be ready for anyone to be with Emma but herself.

“Thank you for the information. I will see what I can do.” She replied before ending the call… She was grateful that it appeared someone was still on her side… she just wished it wasn’t someone that actively disliked her ex-fiancée.

She wiped her eyes, fixed her make-up with her magic, and then magically relocated herself to Granny’s front door… it was time to spy on the love of her life’s date.

**XXX**

When she walked inside, she saw Emma at the back of the restaurant. She was sitting facing the door in a booth across from a blonde woman, she couldn’t quite tell who it was, and she didn’t want to interrupt them, but she needed to know who was potentially about to win her True Love’s heart because it was killing her not to know… She knew that knowing who it was might hurt worse, that curiosity kills cats, but she couldn’t help it… She _needed_ to know.

She walked over to the counter, and Ruby came over with a smile. “Regina!” She said enthusiastically. “Table or booth?”

Regina looked over her shoulder towards Emma’s table. “You can sit me in a dumpster for all I care. Just tell me who is in that booth with Emma. I don’t recognize her silhouette, and I can’t see her face.”

Ruby looked at her sympathetically. “It’s Ashley Boyd. After she left Sean last year, she’d been eyeing Emma like a prey… When she heard of your guys’ break up, she was there for her even more than I was able to be, and now… well. Emma says it’s just a ‘casual’ thing, but I’m pretty sure there’s more to it than that.”

Regina’s heart ached, she longed to walk over to Ashley and smash her face against a wall, but she couldn’t… Emma needed to see that Regina was _in control_ of her anger, and the only way to do that was to show that things that would typically set her off, were things that she could now handle with maturity… Even if it killed her to do so.

So, without thinking about it any more and risk talking herself out of this decision, she straightened her back, thanked Ruby and gave her a tip for the information, and walked over to Emma’s booth. Which caused the diner to turn silent as the villagers intently watched what was about to happen.

Emma looked up at her and frowned. “Regina?”

The mayor offered her the best fake smile she could manage. “Emma, hi.”

“Uh… Hey.” The sheriff responded cautiously

Ashley avoided eye contact with the Mayor, sitting utterly silent with her head turned to the wall.

 _Good, bitch._ Regina thought. “I just wanted to see if we could talk?” She asked she fought the urge to wring her hands… She was Regina Mills, and Regina Mills refused to show vulnerability in public like that. “Privately?”

Emma sighed, looked at Ashley with questioning eyes, and when she nodded, Emma looked back at Regina. “Five minutes, I’m in the middle of something.” She stated; it wasn’t harsh, or brash, just…. Monotonous.

Regina nodded her head and watched Emma stand before she motioned to the back door that led to the alleyway behind the restaurant.

When they were both in the alley, Regina faced Emma and spoke first. “I can’t keep living without you in my life. I need you, Emma.”

Emma furrowed her brow and scoffed. “You _HIT ME_ , Regina! You don’t hit the people that you love! You couldn’t have loved me, and even if you did, you treated me like shit, and I deserve better than that.”

Regina fought back her tears. “Remember the day I asked you out?” She asked, her heart on her sleeves.

Emma sighed and gripped her temples with her index finger and thumb. “Yes.”

“Our first date?”

“ _Yes_ , Regina. Of course, I do.”

“What about the day you broke your arm in that car accident and I had a panic attack because I thought I lost you?”

“Regina, you had a panic attack because _you_ were the one driving.”  Emma countered.

Regina shook her head, hoping that her plea would be enough to win herself a spot in Emma’s good graces once more... At least that would be a first step in the right direction. “No, Emma. I had a panic attack because I almost lost you. I didn’t care if I died, I cared if _you_ did. Don’t you see? Our relationship was more than just that _one_ fight. I know what I did is horrendous, and unforgivable, but I’m begging you to try. Try to remember when we were happy. When I was a good girlfriend, and fiancée. Try to remember when you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. I know it’s hard to look past what I did, but if you try, maybe you can find it in your heart to let me back into your life in one way or another.”

Emma’s eyes squinted, and something changed in them ever-so slightly before she shook her head and they went back to normal. “None of that matters. The last three months of our relationship more than prove that you fell _out_ of love with me and that you have no qualms about hitting me. I deserve to be more than an emotional and physical punching bag.”

Regina clenched her jaw. “No, Emma! I still love you. I’m so madly in love with you that it suffocates me sometimes. Do you even understand how jealous I am of Ashley right now?” She asked, taking deep breaths to quench her anger. “Do you know how badly I would have blown up before if I had seen you eating dinner and flirting with another woman? Even after breaking up?”

Emma thought about it and then nodded. “You would’ve snapped her neck.”

Regina chuckled. “Or close to it.”

“Why?” Emma asked as she tilted her head to the side. “Why aren’t you flipping shit that I’m eating dinner with Ashley?”

“Because as much as it pains me, I want to see you happy. No matter what that means for me… and what it means for me is misery.”

Emma shook her head. “I want to believe that, I really do, but I can’t. I’ll admit that I _am_ impressed that you didn’t go off on us though.”

Regina smiled and looked down at the ground. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Even if I say no you’re going to ask anyway.” Emma chuckled.

Regina smiled a half smile and chuckled too before she asked what she wanted to know. “Why did you tell him?”

Emma furrowed her brow. “Why did I tell who, what?” She asked perplexedly

“Aren’t you the one that told Henry about what I did to you?”

Emma’s eyes widened. “You talked to him? He knows what happened??”

Regina frowned. “Well… _no_ , I just… I assumed that was the reason he hasn’t talked to me in the past five days.”

Emma frowned. “He hasn’t been talking to you either?”

Regina shook her head gravely. “No. He had been ignoring my calls but responding to my texts for about two weeks, then five days ago he just altogether stopped communicating. It’s like he doesn’t want to hear from me, or that he’s ignoring my existence… I thought maybe you told him why we broke up and he was mad at me.”

Emma shook her head. “No, I didn’t tell him. I would never do that. He’d be so upset with you that he’d cut you out of his life, and whether he sees it or not, that would destroy him, so it’s better if he just thinks we broke up for normal reasons.” She paused for a moment. “I’m worried about him though, Regina… This isn’t like him at all.”

Regina agreed… It wasn’t even close to being like Henry; he always talked to Emma… Even when he didn’t speak to her, it was one of the reasons she resented Emma during the last few months of their relationship….

She froze as the revelation sank in… Was she actually treating Emma so poorly because she was _jealous_ of her?

Was she really _that_ petty?

“Emma… I think one of us needs to go to Seattle and see what’s going on… I think something is wrong with him” She looked Emma in the eye, her heart longing to envelop the woman, but knowing now that even if she earned Emma’s forgiveness, she didn’t deserve it. “And I think that it should be you. He likes talking to you more than me.” She said before poofing herself to Archie’s office… She needed to vent, to let out all her pain, without the fear of unwelcomed consequences…  and the only place she could do that was there.

**XXX**

An hour later, Regina was in the middle of a long tirade, fuming about all that was bothering her. “It’s not like me, Archie… It isn’t like me at all to be the jealous type, especially not over Henry! I’m usually secure about Emma’s relationship with him and hat they have more in common with each other than they do with meme. But I was standing there, worried about my son’s wellbeing, and then started getting angry when I thought about how close they are. I know that we’re both equally his mother in his eyes, so why does it piss me off so much that he has an easier time talking to her?”

Archie sat with his hands folded on his desk as he listened intently to Regina’s angry rant. “Only you can answer that, Regina. What bothers you so much about them being so close to each other?”

Regina huffed, irritated that Archie would just assume that she had a problem with them being close. “I don’t mind that they’re close! I don’t! I just don’t like that _we_ aren’t as close!”

 Archie rose an eyebrow. “That you aren’t close with who? Henry or _Emma_?”

Regina glared. “HENRY! Of course, it’s Henry… That’s what the whole problem is! That’s why I’m so angry, remember? Because Henry isn’t coming home, and now he isn’t even speaking to me.”

Archie nodded. “Yes, that’s what you’ve said, but are you sur-,”

Regina continued ranting, ignoring Archie’s commentary “It’s… I… I know that I’m almost sixty-seven… _technically_ speaking. I know that I’m older than them, but I shouldn’t be _that_ much different than them, right? I should have more in common with her than he does… Just because he’s closer to her age than I am doesn’t mean that I have nothing in common with her, right? It’s like she has more fun talking to our nineteen-year-old son than she does with me sometimes and I just don’t get it. She laughs way more when she’s talking to him than she does with me… I can be funny too… I can.”

Archie rose a knowing brow. “And you’re saying that you were angry because you were jealous of _Emma_?”

Regina squinted. “ _Yes_.”

Archie slowly shook his head. “I don’t think that that’s true at all. Replay what you just said to me, Regina…  It aimed all of your jealousy at Henry… not Emma. What you just said tells us that you weren’t angry at Emma, you were angry at yourself… You were insecure about your age, about why Emma would be with you if you’re so much older and different than her. You felt insecure about your relationship for the first time, and you didn’t recognize that emotion, and didn’t know how to handle it.  
So, it sounds to me like you did the only thing you knew how to do, and turned it into anger. But instead of turning into the Evil Queen again, you focused all of your anger on Emma, and that’s what turned your relationship toxic. You’ve made a lot of progress here, Regina… but I don’t think that you were ever _mad_ at anyone but yourself.”

Regina sat there and thought about it all.

Thought about when her anger would always spike when Emma finally got off the phone with Henry after an hour long phone conversation.

When she would laugh at a text, Henry sent her.

She _was_ jealous of Emma’s relationship with Henry; she wanted that with him too… but the overall feeling she felt during those moments, was worry… insecurity… Why would Emma want to be with someone almost twice her age when she had more in common with their teenaged son... Thinking like that would always make her angry, and then she would take it out on Emma…

Guilt swam in her stomach as tears clouded her eyes… How was she ever going to make up for what she’d done?

“Fuck…” She said. “I’m never going to be able to fix this.”

Archie leaned forward and smiled pityingly at Regina. “Explain it all to Emma, if she ever feels up to listening to your side and let her decide if you’re able to fix it or not. I usually recommend that people don’t go back to your partners that have hit them, but with your case, I have faith that you wouldn’t repeat your actions, but there is a problem with that… Emma’s life has been full of abuse, and it may be hard for her to believe that. You have to prove it to her. You have to show her that you’re always going to be committed to her. But you also have to respect her wishes.”

Regina nodded, “I know, Archie… I know.”

**XXX**

Regina was walking up her front porch steps when she heard the familiar sound of Emma’s old yellow Bug pull into her drive way. Her heart thudded in her chest, as hope filled her soul. She turned around, expecting Emma to get out of the car and announce that she had heard from their son, but instead, Emma rolled down her window. “Magic up a suitcase full of the essentials and get in.”

Regina frowned. “What?”

Emma offered her a hesitant smile. “I said magic up a suitcase and get in. We’ve got a flight to catch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

The first hour of the drive was silent. Regina had so much to say, to ask, to apologize for… but she had no idea where to start, so… after a strong internal debate with herself, she decided small talk would do for that moment.

“Which airport are we going to?” She asked tentatively.

“Portland,” Emma informed shortly.

“Oh. Okay.” She replied, not knowing exactly how to continue the conversation.

The silence from then on out was deafening. Regina hated this feeling. She wanted to scream… She was a Queen, but Emma Swan reduced her to the likes of a lovesick schoolgirl.

She opened and closed her mouth multiple times, think of things to say, but then second guessing herself before she could get the courage to say them.

“We still have two more hours, and I’d really like for this to be a not-so horrible time. So, can we just pretend to be friends until we know that our son is okay?” Emma asked suddenly, ending the uncomfortable silence.

Regina nodded. “Right. Of course.”

Emma smiled tightly and nodded her head before she pulled into the Airport. “We have a two-hour layover in Ohio, but then we fly from there straight to Washington,” Emma informed.

Regina nodded. “Okay.” She replied, not knowing what else she could say.

Emma, once again, offered her a halfhearted smile before exiting the car and getting their bags from her trunk.

**XXX**

“What do you mean it’s canceled?!” Emma asked the Columbus Airport employee. “We flew all the way here from Maine, and now our flight is just… _canceled_?”

The woman smiled apologetically. “We can have you on the first flight to Seattle tomorrow, but until then, yes Ma’am… I’m sorry, but your flight is canceled.”

Regina wanted to laugh at how adorably exasperated Emma was.

Emma turned around after a few more minutes of questioning the worker and sighed. “We have to get rooms for the night… Doesn’t look lie we’re going anywhere fast.”

Regina frowned… Room ** _s_** _._ Not room… Emma didn’t want to be in the same room with her. “Well, we could go get something to eat first.” She offered, not wanting to be away from Emma just yet.

Emma shook her head. “Not hungry. I ate a lot of peanuts on the flight here.”

Regina frowned but nodded her head. “Where’s the nearest one?” She asked, her heart in her throat.

Emma shrugged. “There’s one right across the street. That’d be our best bet.”

**XXX**

“Room for two?” The man behind the desk asked.

Emma shook her head. “No.” She responded instantly. “We need separate rooms, please.”

Regina frowned, all she wanted to do, more than _anything_ , was hold Emma close and apologize profusely for everything she’d done. She wanted to kiss her, and get lost in they way their lips felt together… but alas, she had no such luck… Emma still hated her.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but we only have double rooms available at the moment, and we can’t give those to two separate people that came in together when there is a line of families behind you.”

Emma glared at the man and looked at Regina, who offered her a hesitant smile.

“Fine. One double room.” The sheriff replied begrudgingly. She grabbed the keys to the room and followed the bellhop to their room.

**XXX**

Emma flopped down onto her bed. “Nothing is going our way.”

Regina chuckled. “It never does.” She replied.

“Yeah. That’s true. It’s probably because we’re not even meant to be in this world.” Emma suggested. “We’re supposed to be in the Enchanted Forest.”

Regina watched Emma laying on the bed, in her leggings and tank top, and she wanted more than ever to pounce on her… but she had to earn her forgiveness and love back first.

“We’re pretending to be friends, yes?” She asked.

Emma sat up and furrowed her brow; confusion etched across her face. “Uh… I guess.”

Regina nodded. “Then I should be able to ask how serious you and Ashley are.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Sure, you’re able to ask, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to answer.”

“Emma… I need to know.” Regina admitted, her heart deflating at the mere thought of Emma being in love with someone else.

The blonde shook her head. “I’m here because I’m worried about our son, who has been MIA the past five days. I’m not here to talk to my ex-fiancée about my romantic life.”

“Emma…”

“No, Regina! The only reason you’re here is that we’re _both_ Henry’s Mom. If it were anyone else that I was worried about, you wouldn’t be here right now. I don’t want to be with you anymore. I don’t trust you, and I sure as hell am still not comfortable around you… But Henry comes before my wants and needs, he always has, and he always will. So, just… just… shut up about it.”

Regina felt tears fighting to be released, but she willed them back. “I know I treated you like shit the last few months of our relationship. I know that I’ve done nothing to prove to you that I want to love you right again, and I know that I hurt you in a way that I swore i never would, but Emma… if you could ever find it in that golden heart of yours to give me one last chance, no matter how small it may be, I promise to be the best fiancée and wife ever to exist. I know saying I'm sorry is never going to be enough to make up for what I did, but I will do everything in my power to make this right.”

Emma’s eyes clouded with something for a moment, it was small, barely a flicker; but it was there… And that gave Regina hope… Which was all she needed.

She decided to drop the subject for the night and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth before she laid in the bed on the other side of the room.

**XXX**

She’d been tossing and turning all night; replaying that flicker in Emma’s eyes over and over again in her mind… Had that been love? Had it been contemplation? Had it been.. forgiveness?

None of those emotions seemed to be entirely able to fit what she’d seen in Emma’s eyes, and she craved to know what it had been.

“Are you awake?” Emma whispered out.

Regina smiled and laughed silently. “Yes, Darling… I’m awake.”

“We’re pretending to be friends, right?”

Regina nodded, curiosity filling her to the rim. “Yes, we certainly are,” Regina replied.

Emma inhaled deeply. “Why now?” She asked, hurt palpable in her voice.

Regina ached to comfort her, but she didn’t know what the question was referring to, so she couldn’t answer it. “Why now, what, Darling?”

“Why do you want to be better for me now? Why not when I was begging you to let me in, to let me help you, to tell me how to make you happy again? Why not then? Why now?”

Regina’s heart broke… she had no idea how to answer that… not without sounding like a coward at least.

“I… I knew I was hurting you,” Regina admitted. “Subconsciously at least… but I didn’t think you’d leave. I thought you’d be able to take it until I knew how to be myself again. I didn’t really think that I was hurting you as badly as I was, so I thought we could still be happy… I thought that we would be able to make it back to the way things were… So I used you as my emotional punching bag. I swear I didn’t realize what I was doing to you, though. I never wanted you to be afraid of me. I never wanted to end up hitting you. I never wanted any of this to happen. It was just me, letting my insecurities making me act out in a way that was inexcusable. I don’t know how to make everything up to you. I don’t know how to be worthy of you again, but if you can try to forgive me, I promise I’ll do everything in my power to try to be what you deserve.”

Emma sighed. “I can’t Regina… I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”

Regina fought back a sob. “I understand.” She replied, her heart shattered into pieces.

Just as the silence washed over them once more, Emma’s phone started ringing.

Emma sat up in a flash as she looked wide-eyed at the screen. “It’s Henry!” She cried joyously.


End file.
